Fits Alfa Romeo, Ducati, Ferrari, Fiat, Lamborghini and Yugo.

It’s my favorite annual rite of spring: the Penguins ripping the heart out of Capitals’ fans collective chest, in the most painful way possible.

I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that this guy calls his wife Mother and refuses to treat women like equal humans and not conniving sex hypnotists lusting over his protuberance, or that he’s playing second fiddle to Donald Fucking Trump.

IDK.

It will be hacked, for sure. If there is a thing, it will be hacked. And then it will be used to watch porn.

This happened to me once, back in high school, when I was asked at the last minute to step in for the group leader and give the presentation on our project. I ruined a shirt with enough sweat to drown a small dog, threw up in my mouth a couple of times, and acted like I had difficulty with basic concepts like…

I wasn’t really stranded given that I was in the middle of civilization; however, I think it counts since it involves a broke down car and waiting for at tow truck.

*conviently forgets the phantom deflection on gonzagas missed three point attempt that allowed them to get the ball back and make a three to give them the lead

I blame Common Core

Congratulations North Carolina on winning your 6th national championship pissing off Duke fans!

Then I got hammered the next day and forgot to put it away. Ice Cream cakes are bad.

Got hammered once and woke up with this in my freezer.

I refuse to wish anyone happy birthday on facebook. If they’re an important enough friend they get a call or a text. If they’re not do they really care that I wish them happy birthday on social media?

Refrigerated peanut butter is easily a sign of serious mental health issues. I think it even has it’s own DSM-V designation.

Thank god my Monday has been slow, time for some reading!

Can’t imagine he’s very Jung Ho about the whole thing.

When I was 18 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 18 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.

I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I…

On the way back from my honeymoon (Turks and Caicos) we were waiting for our flight. I went into the bathroom and sat down on the stall to take a really large hangover-fueled shit. In the stall next to me I hear this little kid’s voice “Dad...I’m done...” then there’s a really long pause and the kid says meekly “I…

What was it Robert Frost said? “Good fences make good neighbors unless your neighbor is black in which case fuck that guy,” I think it was.

I assume the back surgery is an exploratory procedure in which they’ll be looking for something resembling a spine.