Or perhaps The Gilded Torch?

*I’m OK with this” meme

At this point completely drawn in, I grabbed the cross-stitched email from my valet’s hand (one of his duties is to cross-stitch the day’s email) and delivered him a hard ‘thank-you’ slap across his face.

OP/Question asker here (THE Chris). All these suggestions are great! Mercedes, I KNEW a bus was going to be yours. I went down some pretty deep Marketplace/Craigslist rabbit holes looking at camper vans, Sprinters, and all nature of other vehicles. I omitted a couple details that I realize would have been helpful.…

Todd wins.  The Honda Element was the correct answer.

And while they’re at it, maybe they can unfuck the comment section.

Everything about the Chevy Uplander is insulting.

You bet - all under the heading of US requirements - that eliminated a lot of under or in the bumper designs, I bet. Lots of kludging was done for the sake of goofy US regulations.

Now this article, I love.

I love that there’s a sign on the packaging material that reads, “Jason Torchinsky.” Like, who else could possibly be the intended recipient of this thing?

Also worth noting is that it’s entirely possible for an administration to simultaneously have policies that result in good economic outcomes while also having policies that spend far too much money.

You misunderstand me. They are both the problem. One’s just a somewhat bigger problem than the other.

I was under the assumption that the GOP lives in a...::checks notes::...“goddamn fantasy world” all the time.

It is broken. What you don’t see is the hidden wealth transfer going on right now. It’s massive. I can hire people and capture most of their value during good times yet I’m not being asked to meaningfully contribute during bad times. I’ve privatized all of the profits and socialized all of the losses. Heads I win.…

I prefer the old fashion pitchfork, and torches, but that’s just my preference. Old school is always the best....

Jur, do you understand how a stimulus is supposed to work? And by that, I mean one that truly helps the economy, not just Wall Street stock prices? Giving money directly to consumers works, as they spend their money (usually almost immediately), and that money then flows up to companies as people buy goods and…

Congratulations, we have a winner!

Get on it Torch.

This calls for a joint a Torch/Tracy effort, I think. 

So, I know you’re kidding but that raises a bizarre question I’d love to have our staff nerds at Jalopnik investigate and write an article if the results are interesting.