No worries, he’s got a back up plan.

I remember back in the early 80s, when my family didn’t make enough money to be dirt poor, my parents being without a car. My dad was a Plumbers Helper (the base level plumber that’s basically a gopher) and my mother was a stay-at-home mom (because there was no work for her). Anywhere they went, they either had to…

Oh, and why is worried about the trailer, and not the WANG SHAPED POND only a few blocks away?

I ain’t gonna fall for no banana in the tailpipe, man!

Yeesh 4-point harnesses...speaking of suicidal safety gear...

“Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!”

I assume every explosion is terrorism until proven otherwise.

Sponsored by Takata.

She blamed Teslas Autopilot

I was there. Hearing her husband say, on the phone to the insurance company, “yeah my wife hit a Ferrari" was one of the most gut-wrenching moments of empathy I've ever experienced. I wanted to give the guy a hug.

Oh no!

Also: LANDSCAPE. NOT PORTRAIT.

I honked at a Houston cop one time when I didn’t think he was paying attention to the green light left turn and the fucker shot me the finger.

The New Jersey Turnpike: Where you can be pulled over for doing the speed limit. Ask me how!

I was at first, it turned out not to matter in the end.

Okay so this one time, I convinced my friend to let us take his dads 250 California out for the day in Chicago and...well...lets just say it was one interesting day off.

I’m as shocked as you to hear myself say this, but you’re wrong.

Shut up, neighbors and be glad it’s not a bigger plane.