It’s a government commissary. I’ve eaten plenty of hospital cafeteria food in my life and wouldn’t imagine this to be any better.

I’m definitely not tearing up in an airport bar right now, nope. 

“The reason is because women menstruate. To be a professional means to have a steady taste in your food, but because of the menstrual cycle, women have an imbalance in their taste, and that’s why women can’t be sushi chefs.”

You’re 58 years old and supposedly worth $800mil.

Alcohol also thins the blood. I’ll stick with my method. 

I like braising turkey legs through the year. Dark meat is the only part of the turkey that’s worthwhile in my book. I only make breasts if I have people over, because it’s easier to work with, and easier to find. 

Many years ago, when I was low on cash and just nowhere else was open at about 1.45am I went into a McDs and ordered a Big Mac and fries, being hungry and wanting something familiar to cheer myself up. They closed at 2am and the place was virtually empty. The guy behind the counter came back with a large brown bag and…

My local Popeyes doesn’t know there are different tender quantities.

I can only assume you store them next to the severed heads of your victims as this is clearly serial killer behavior.

How can so many people be so wrong?  At my Mother-in-law’s, we’ll have a fresh cranberry sauce and the canned stuff, I make sure to get a helping of each.

Do we really need to go over what happens when Americans are allowed to vote?

My usual Thanksgiving night tradition is to heat up a plate of leftovers while drinking heavily and watching Planes Trains and Automobiles.

I think this is the first time I have ever voted for someone other than Kate. Sorry, Kate, but Marnie’s gonna take this one.

I look forward to the day after Thanksgiving sandwich for lunch more than any other meal of the year. 

Yeah, how did lasagna end up on here but not green bean casserole? Don’t get me wrong, lasagna is awesome, but it isn’t a Thanksgiving food. Green been casserole has been a Thanksgiving staple since before America was even “discovered”.

A lot of people like Christmas more than Thanksgiving because there are presents. I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas because there are no songs.

The club sandwich is just a device used by the bread Illuminati to get us to buy more bread. 

Exactly my thought! The lede image is a ‘Shop, and the only other pic is of...raw sausage stuffed in an apple?

This looks delicious. I do not care for cooked peppers, so this seems like the perfect alternative 

Every phone needs to come with a Block Number feature. I used to have this dumbphone (it was an amazing Samsung) with that feature. Whenever someone called and I didn't recognize the number, I just blocked them. Problem solved.