D.C. isn’t the problem (and honestly, most of the jackoffs don’t actually live here). Please don’t nuke us. More DC residents voted for Clinton than the entire number of people who voted in Wyoming.

Dude seems pretty proud of his husband’s assholish behavior. I think these two crazy kids just might make it!

No shame in the bad movie game. Last Holiday is another “good” one.

I was excited ‘cuz I thought you meant Dairy Queen.

COUNTERPOINT: NEITHER OF THE ABOVE HAIRCUTS ARE OK

it me.

As a white woman, those two white chicks in the last ruling look fricking identical. Are we sure he broke up w/ Girl A on purpose? He might think he’s still dating her...

No idea who Sam Bee is.

Please. My son turned one this weekend and he got like 7 cars and a few trucks from random people. I asked him about it this morning, he said he doesn’t remember a thing.

ok the dress i know how to get, but HOW DO I GET HIM TO PUT A RING ON IT

Shouldn’t that be ‘Dirrty’?

FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK…

Me rn:

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that there is an intersection of Amy Schumer fans and Trump voters.

CHANGELING

I love James Corden. He reminds me of a grown-up Teddy Ruxpin.

All I want for Christmas is a gender neutral death threat.

I like the Scotts that doesn't have a roll, but I can't find it anywhere anymore. Doesn't everyone hate the cardboard rolls as much as I do?!

I like the Scotts that doesn't have a roll, but I can't find it anywhere anymore. Doesn't everyone hate the…

I was just thinking about how that probably crossed her mind and she said “NOT IN MY LIFETIME, BITCHES!” and promptly died.

My 8-year-old daughter noticed over my shoulder that this was about cats, so she insisted I play it. Cats are cute. I was on the phone so I wasn't paying attention. After 30 seconds she walked away. When I finished the phone call, I finally found her a closet, eyes bulging, guzzling from a vodka bottle we keep in the…