Good god he's like a tiny right handed Griffey with that swing

"Don't draft this guy."

Phil was distracted by a call from the CFO of Smithfield Foods, telling him to dump 50,000 shares before the open tomorrow.

"No."

Context? Dude, he's eating pussy!

You could say that, but then you'd get banned from commenting. So you'd better not.

Yeah, it says you'll get 5500-7000 a week, but we all know they'll restructure your contract in a couple weeks and you'll never actually see more than 3000 a week.

Jaguars Fan: Dude, you're a Jaguars legend!! I'm digging that crazy outfit you got on. Pretty sweet mustache and wild hairdo too. Very chill bro.

Michael Bay must be directing the sequel

Shirt tucked in, goofy sun glasses, bet he's wearing mid-calf socks, too. This dad is what dad's should be.

The idiocy of this comment epitomizes your entire tenure at Deadspin.

Well, thank God he wasn't smoking pot at the time, right?

Oh, also, I hate myself.

Birds, showing why we invented the word "birdbrain," don't have the visual or spatial acuity to tell the difference between "outside" and "a reflection of outside."

Durant: So, Biebs, you want bloodies or mimosas?

Whether or not the Brewers can beat those odds will have a hell of a lot do with however much Lucroy has left to give them.

Yeah, come on Deadspin, stay consistent to your grander metanarrative of blanket hate that goguruorgoroar seems to have conjured for himself, even if that means saying "fuck you" to a man suffering the late-life tragedy of mental deterioration.

This gif is better when reversed.

Hernandez 6/17/13 (11:35:01 P.M.): I think I messed up bad, coach. What do I say when the media starts asking the tough questions?