That one's easy. Max them out and the banks teach you.

But can you actually accomplish that with all of your students?

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me.

Pack your birth certificate for bathroom use in the adult world.

All at the same time.

Wow, Stanford has incredibly low standards.

Like, what's wrong with like?

• What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

I’m waiting for Bill’s stepdaughter Chelsea to be prez.

It didn't help Bob very much, though.

Why are people so greedy? I'm happy with one orgasm then I can log back onto Jezebel.

Smoking is stupid, full-stop. My grandfathers’ jaw fell off.

Nancy may have preached against pot, but wow, she gave great head.

I love how Americans call their genitals “junk”. It's so true.

God, Americans are fat.

Damn. And I just paid £50 for copy of my birth certificate for using public restrooms on my trip to the USA next month. Please make up your weird minds already.

It's that girly voice.

Tobey Maguire can’t act and he talks like a girl.

Are you still friends with Trump-lite and Mean Drunk?

Maybe Kinja tokes at work.