Jared Leto is a very handsome man who tries to dress with a bit of flair, yet always ends up looking like a greasy creep. It’s the most amazing alchemy; I don’t know how he does it.

The pissbabies who will try to trick you into eating something because their ego can’t tolerate other people’s self-determination are, of course, a threat to your health and you should treat them as such. Leave the party if you have to.

I recall a dating website did a study to try to figure out why some women whose looks were rated a “7" got twice as many attempted connections as other women whose looks were also rated a “7".

I so need a set of prep bowls right naaow.

I saw an artist quip recently, “The hardest thing about painting dinosaurs is grass didn’t exist yet.”

Salt—even at levels low enough you can’t taste it—will interfere with your body’s ability to taste sourness, so you can use this trick on under-ripe fruit too.

I guess “simple” is what box office reports need to be, given they come out every week. That said, it does seem a lot of context goes missing.

Why did I read this article while I was trying to eat breakfast? Why.

The makeup and costuming are really amazing. Not only do Lily James and Sebastian Stan chameleon into their characters, but Seth Rogan and Nick Offerman also basically turn into new people. That’s fantastic work.

Naw, early twenties is when most people start going, “Oh, wait, I actually get sore muscles and hangovers now. This suuuucks,” without realizing that no, you still feel pretty good, you sweet summer child; it’s gonna get worse.

I knew someone who made a tandoori turkey one year.

I’ve never had the canned stuff, so maybe it is terrible enough to put you off it forever, but cranberry sauce is basically jam. It’s like eating pie filling.

Cheesecake is a pie.

The gym in my building is currently only allowing single-household use of the (small) gym, and it’s Lord of the Flies every night when they put the sign-up sheets out.

Do it right, and it’d just be caramelized apple sugars. Yum!

A comedy bit designed to get people who do not like them to signal-boost them.

I saw Jim Carrey in Doing Time on Maple Drive, and he was really good in a dramatic role.

It’s not too far off from half a (US) ton, though.

Drugs and onion rings seem like a pretty natural combo to me too.

There was also an idea of using a laser to burn the upc code on.