What the hell kind of poop water is solid goddamn black like that? Not any poop water I've ever seen!

It must be such a relief to see something black on the floor in Chicago that isn't Derrick Rose.

Yeah but Williams' numbers relative to the other hitters of his day match what Bonds did. Era-adjusted OPS+ and that sort of thing.

Still not sure why NY needed a second dysfunctional MLS team whose ownership values using them as a marketing vehicle for their primary product. Their other team was doing that just fine.

When FSU got down early, my brother, who was rooting for FSU, said Jameis Winston had the Ducks right where he wanted them.

This?

You quoting your friend Nick quoting Patton Oswalt.

To quote my friend Nick, this is schadenfreude so thick and rich you can drizzle it over pancakes.

Maybe the ref is a Mizdow fan?

Eye rolls.

ILLUMINATI!!!

I really wish she got a bit more credit for having intellectual curiosity.

These are the QBs Larry Fitzgerald has had the "pleasure" of working with dating back to his rookie season:

Somehow he will end up with the Patriots. Shit.

From the looks of it, most of his shots will be of insulin.

YOU BIG DUMMY. +1

There's a player who draws a fiiiiine

Being the kicker I would've thought he'd be thrilled to get his dick touched.

In terms of games played (regular and post season), Lebron has matched Larry Bird's entire career, and he's about halfway through Jordan's last season with the Bulls. It wouldn't be out of the question that it's all downhill from here, especially with him turning 30.

Martin Havlat is also out, but luckily for the Devils he tested negative for mumps, and "only" has the flu.