If only it were that simple. Here’s how it goes in my home (I’m fairly sure I’ve posted this before, but nothing has changed.)

Most people I know would be thrilled to get a letter from the President elect.

You have to think the NBA is going to be watching for this and will bring the hammer down pretty quickly, right? They can’t have a guy on the league’s most-watched team ninja-kicking dudes in the junk all season with no repercussions.

“The Human Vasectomy” is glorious.

“Its a dumb rule that I’d love to see go away. glad it wasn’t called.”

Best putt by an American at the Ryder Cup in 20 years

+30,000 cars sitting on the 110

To be fair, market research determined 90% of the crowd would leave after the 2nd quarter to beat the traffic, so they stocked up accordingly.

It wasn’t, that’s just the Texas feed we were listening to.

I didn’t know the game was being played in Mexico.

That hashtag works so well.

I love that hashtag, and I usually hate hashtags.

Billy really is doing God’s work. #MakeAmericaBrannigan

I’d rather vote Zapp than Trump.

But Canada got bronze! That’s just like gold to us!

#JU1c3D

I just saw the #FORG1V3 hashtag on Twitter and now I want to hurt people.

Man, I’d love to see Wilson’s Google history the day before it happened. Do you think he just read the Wikipedia articles?