Plus you can shove the tortillas up your ass.

Dude, kitchen. There's food and water in there, a sink to piss and wash in, and loaves of bread for pillows and flour tortillas for blankets. Kitchen, all the way.

I always fly out of Philly and have never had any trouble

I’m sorry, but putting philly on here and leaving off JFK and Midway is laughable. Both of those are far, far worse... and every time I’ve flown from Dulles and Philly it’s been pretty good. 30 minutes max for security, no cancelled flights and few local delays.

I ain’t no high-falootin’ lawyah but I’s willin’ to betcha we can settle with them thar Buccaneyahs for a severl mi-yun dollars over this here bacteerya allegashon

The square bat actually caught on in medieval Denmark, where it thrived as the preferred instrument to bludgeon huge sea monsters and their mothers to death.

Second funniest, you mean.

Not even close, this is the old Army Combatives Trophy

Now batting, number 25, Santa Claus.

Humor like this will have everyone Rolen in the aisles....

Whenever there's a potential riot, I'm getting blasted on grain alcohol.

As a Phillies fan who won't want to remember most of their games, I hope so.

Yeah, I'll take a Heathcliff Sloegin, a Tom Rollins, and and a Mickey Morantini.

Any word yet on if Riot Punch will be served?

"Sorry about the boner sir. I'm just a really big Pats fan."

Ah, yes. I was a young teenager during the glory days of MTV spring break. That programming was... formative.

Obligatory:

As a long time Eagles' fan, can I just tell you my head is exploding? What the fuck is going on here?