Well, I’ve never been afraid to speak my mind. Under a ridiculous pseudonym. In a virtual place where literally nothing is at stake. I don’t use the word “hero” often, but I consider myself the greatest hero in the history of America. (If America is, indeed, where I am from.)

I cannot wait for Trump to lose the presidential election. Crying Jordan will be tweeted at him 31 million times. Trump and CJ were made for each other.

As a M’s fan I remain cautiously, skeptically, nervously, and tentatively optimistic.

The team went on to say, “We love you Chris. No hemo.”

No. He uses other people’s dislike of him as evidence that he’s right. It’s circular narcissism. If they like him, it’s because of how good he is; if they don’t like him, bit’s because of how good he is. His fundamental assumptions about himself are unassailable.

Much of reactionary ideology is based on misanthropy. The right’s anti-immigration, anti-women, anti-LGBT, and anti-choice stances are all rooted in a deep dislike of humanity and the suspicion that everyone is out to “get them,” or take what they have.

He isn’t, he’s worse in every way.

“Cruz, OTOH, genuinely seems to not care in the slightest if ANYONE likes him”

This is the first Obituary you’ve written without a bunch of people complaining that there isn’t one about the Democrats. Even Gawker trolls hate Cruz enough to stop trolling for a minute. Shocking level of dislike.

There’s plenty of reasons to despise her.* And if you think she gives a good goddamn about minorities (at least minorities that don’t have 7 figures in their bank account) you are out of your mind. The Clintons don’t give a fuck about poor people, just like pretty much every other politician regardless of party.

Ted Cruz is amazing in that, almost every human, even some of the most reprehensible people who have ever lived, generally want to be liked by at least some of the people in their life, even if it is only by a few close friends or their children.

I don’t think he has the capacity.

If Cruz had been, I don’t know, maybe...25-percent less of an asshole during his career, would the GOP have rallied around him earlier as the Trump alternative? If he had just exercised the tiniest bit of tact and grace and hadn’t built his entire persona around being more conservative and more “pure” than everyone…

I'll bet he smells like mentholated hot dogs.

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For all the worth of my two filthy foreign cents, as much as people are worried about Trump, and I don’t mean to trivialise the genuine vileness that Trump draws on for his boorish antics, I found Cruz much more worrisome and, well, creepy than Trump.

You can dislike Hillary and Sanders all you want, but at least I can say, with 75% certainty, that either of these candidates didn’t reap their human skin from worshiping the infinite maw of despair, so deep that just to glance at it would reset your mind to a place of non-being.

Ted Cruz practices laughing, via his reflection in the eyes of his victims.

+1 to Chris Person for that awesome GIF