I was watching from afar following the election, when many of your politicians were proclaiming that “Today we have shown the world the peaceful transition of power.” Everybody that isn’t a dictatorship does that you dumbasses. It’s pretty much the bare minimum required

West Coast Eagles - a team always in contention, however are at a big disadvantage come finals time, having to come from across the country to play. They have Josh Kennedy, who like Buddy Franklin, is a big forward who you are afraid of.

St Kilda - solid no nonsense. Good at pressure. Historical underachievers, came agonisingly close to winning a Grand final a few years back, and have been a middle of the table side since then. They are however, a team that is more than capable of surprising higher rated teams.’

Melbourne Demons are the establishment club - there’s a class system in Aus to a small extent, however it’s pretty malleable. This team represents the bluebloods. They have recently rebuilt after being a long running joke of total incompetence, and now they are a solid mid to upper mid table side, with some really…

Geelong - the only Victorian club not to come from inside Melbourne, they are based at a small city an hour away, and also encompass some of the most beautiful small towns in the state. For that reason, they are sometimes able to get excellent players at a discount due to the lifestyle, and the excellent development…

Brisbane Lions - Had a period of being awesome a few years ago, but have been painfully crap ever since. Are currently rebuilding, but will finish at or near the bottom.

I’m going to try for an alphabetized summary. I’ll try to be neutralish, but this will be somewhat Melbourne centric.

They need to change their uniforms up a bit. Sharing the same outfit as a bassoonist really takes away the dignity, pomp and grandeur of the generals who follow Kim around writing down his every word in little notebooks

As an overseas observer from a country with a close relationship with yours, what the ever loving fuck?

I pay about %22 on my fairly average income here in Aus. The highest we get is if you make over $180k where the first $180k is at 30% and then every dollar over that is %45. Not sure if that’s unreasonable, or compares poorly to the US. What’s awesome though is knowing that my family won’t be bankrupted if someone…

I was chatting to a girl on the internet, and the fact came up that I used to be a jazz pianist. She then got excited and asked if I had seen LaLa Land. I with typical tact and decorum I politely explained that I wasn’t planning on it, leaving unsaid that I would prefer to stab myself in the face.

We’re all kind of counting on you guys to stay together just to prevent a bunch of belligerent and impoverished nuclear armed theocracies being unleashed on the world. You just gotta cop them having an outsized and corrupting role on your democracy for the sake of the rest of us, I’m afraid.

Not quite. Hilux yes, definitely ute. Early Landcruisers are iconic enough to be called “Landcruisers.” “Suv” is reserved for compacts, anything bigger is a 4wd or a “Toorak Tractor.”

Nah, anything’s fine, as long as you’re not a wanker about it, or make out like you’re better than any one else. Aus is pretty fiercely egalitarian, so it’s to do with rejection of a class system. For example, if you’re by yourself, it’s rude to get in the back seat of a taxi - you’re meant to ride shotgun instead,…