You sound like fun.

Also, don’t cheap out on the food, asshole. You would get sick eating McDonald’s everyday, and that’s essentially what cheap, shitty food is like for dogs. This will save you hundreds, even thousands in vet bills down the road. And besides, this was a great reason for me to call you, random internet reader, a dick.

Oh that sounds horrible. Your arms must be tired from all the golfing and carrying beers to the pool all day.

Coke tastes like piss no matter what vessel you choose to drink it from.

Actually, it is pretty exciting if you’re a fan of T&F. I’d advise in the future for articles like this, do what I do for HamNo articles: keep scrolling.

It was pretty clear from the title what the story was going to be about. You are clearly a fun person if you opened it just to bitch about it.

No.

I hope you ate at Jethros while you were in DM!

My bitterness stems from the fact that I had to buy a 3 month gym membership due to wind chills reaching -30 during January and February. I would humblebrag if I were in a warm locale as well.

Second requirement: Shut up.

They explained it as sexuality is who you go to bed WITH, gender is who you go to bed as. They do not depend on each other.

That’s not the Cardinal way.

The 800 was my mortal enemy. I ran a 2:05 my freshman year, and finally broke 2:00 my 2nd to last race my senior year. Every single workout and race in between was pure hell. I once acted like I tripped in the open 800 because I had already ran 2 that night and was absolutely sick of it.

Another stellar read. Post more often, please.

My aunt works in the marketing dept of the Heinz plant in my hometown. I have 3 bottles of this, as well as something called “extra spicy cocktail sauce.” She is my favorite aunt for this reason.

I like to pronounce it “cat-sup” to my students sometimes just to mess with them. Then they look it up, see that there’s another non-phonetic spelling and their heads explode.

“They’d beat the piss out of San Dimas High School football, no much how much it rules.”

And with your team spirit.

Cool story.

As a Des Moines resident (home of the AAA I-Cubs), I’m disappointed I didn’t get to see him rake at home this year. But my family has season tickets to the big club, so I guess I’ll get to see him do some good things for them this year.