Dear Governor Dipshit: So you’re about to open tattoo parlors while still encouraging social distancing as some kind of CYA paper shield? “Tattoos while social distancing” is already a thing - it’s called “paintball,” and it’s also not fucking essential.

Good for you for doing the best you can. I’ve never been so grateful that our adopted doofus is a short-haired breed.

Thank you!!

My dog does that, and also likes to roll in smells like a horse with an itchy back. It takes a lot longer, but where else do I have to be?

Hello, sweet doggo! I hope your glands stop being so problematic for your humans.

I miss my Mom, too. And my Dad.

Hi there! I never thought I’d start to not enjoy walking my dog, but mandatory face masks are seriously sucking the pleasantness out of it. (They make me claustrophobic.) On the positive side, I ordered a dance pole for my house & got it installed yesterday. Wheee!

Does your gym have a Grunting Man? Every gym I ever belonged to seemed to have that one guy who grunted loudly on every rep, no matter the machine or muscle group.

That looks goddamn delicious. Now I want to make a similar cake. Is it easy to post the recipe here?

People are bored AF right now. I have very low level contacts, but I’ll pitch it! Or maybe Jerry Netherland will see this - he seems to know everybody.

Yes! I will co-star as the smart one who turns out to be completely unhinged.

I’m an actress, and after living through the nightmare of Me Too era scripts (think 21 y.o. Johnny FilmSchool writing a role reversal where the WOMAN is the harasser!!!), I’m now already seeing casting notices for screenplays about “Covin 19.” Because these dickheads can’t even spellcheck. I’m going to start killing…

All day House 1. D Nice’s sets are pretty great, so I’ll stick to just his. Yes, me knowing about Club Quarantine means it’s not cool anymore, but what can you do?

Please post a pic when it’s done!

I was in an acting class with Paris, just before The Simple Life started. If that show was all an act, then she was doing some kind of Andy Kaufman-level commitment to living the character.

A friend of mine called this the Organ Recital - because you get to hear what’s happening with each & every one of their organs.

I must look into Nick Cave Murder Ballads in these treacherous times. A few years ago while Xmas shopping at an outlet mall (I know!), I kept my headphones in & listened to Eminem to drown out the Christmas music. Now “Cinderella Man” makes me think of Christmas. That’s normal, right?

There’s also “Mail Men,” about the entire history of the Daily Mail in the UK, going back to the 1800's. Written by a guy who worked there in the early aughts. Good stuff.

I belong to that union. Unless a hell of a lot has changed, this will come to absolutely nothing. SAG/AFTRA is beyond toothless - however much I wish that weren’t true.

Actor here. That would be HILARIOUS.