As a lifetime Chicagoan, I’m low-key miffed that chicken Vesuvio, which I honestly have never seen on a menu, made this, but the humble Pizza Puff did not.

As an old Millennial, I am livid that a 24 year old, A MERE CHILD, considers themselves an Old Millennial. That is a Young Millennial. Millennials are if you were born from the mid 80s to the late 90s. Anyone born after 2000 is in Gen Z, and has a fidget spinner, and everyone is mad about it.

I once had an alert on my US Bank checking account, so I went to my savings account bank (different bank), took out like a grand, ran to the US Bank ATM and deposited it. And once they “confirmed” the amount of money in my statement (this was like 6 years ago and US Bank had like 20 year old ATMS at that point) they…

For siblings, Warrior does me in every time. When Joel Edgerton is all “I’m sorry Tommy” as he’s fighting Tom Hardy I start crying and plan beating the crap out of MY younger brothers.

I was in Italy, and the menu listed “foal” as a menu item, and I totally blanked on “wait, is foal horse? Or is there a different name?” So I asked the waiter that spoke English, and he said, “is...baby horse?”

“I don’t know, Jim. There’s obviously something wrong with him. He’s taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he’s crying.”

I stand and wad.

I decided on Wednesday to host a Super Bowl shindig for about 15 people. I’m making Burneko’s sausage and pepper recipe already. What else should I cook for it?

(beer and chips are already covered, because I’m not a goddamn amateur)

What about the cars’ “eyelids” and mouths?

So when I was a kid in the 90s in Chicago, I met Jud Buechler at the aquarium and was so nervous I had to have my dad walk me over and ask him to sign a program (I was like 9), and he acted like it made his day, which makes sense as he was a deeeep bench player.

As someone who was born and raised in Chicago right after the 85 Bears win, I can safely say that no one my age or younger gives a shit about the 85 Bears. We’re too buzy mythologizing the dynasty Bulls

I agree that it’s a bit too soon in the feel-good moment of all of this to get into the Grinch “bahh YOU’VE HAD YOUR DAY MOVE ON” #hottake but here’s an honest question. What’s the general view of Blackhawks fans? We had our drought and followed it up several more titles in a short period of time, but I don’t get the…

I’ve never been more conflicted in life than I have been when Drew Magary decided to throw Shea Serrano under the bus. I feel so betrayed.

To be fair, Trump has a great Caddy