Now THIS is the kind of self-congratulatory nonsense I come to Deadspin to read!

I also called him “white Shrek” on Gawker.

Reader Brandon sent me a list of every Gronk description on Deadspin a while back, which I’ve updated since then. Here’s everything we have:

Read in my mind as a Charlie Kelly attempt at written communication.

a toupee someone found in a garbage can and stapled to a sweet potato

Reporter: Tom, do you like Don Trump?

My favorite has been “Pumpkin-flavored arsenic marshmallow Donald Trump” by Kate Knibbs

It’s a damn shame the Panthers don’t have Norman and Steve Smith on the same team this year. That would be the greatest one-two smack talk punch in the history of the game.

Apparently, Pagano’s not a Simpsons fan, or else he’d be aware of what even marijuana can make a person do:

Agreed

Dad Boise, Dad Boise, what Pagano do...

Apparently he’s not aware of Irsay’s personal motto, “If you can’t eat it, grind it up and snort it.”

Wrong. It gets funnier every week. I want it to be thesort of thing that confused football historians in 100 years.

That pass is even more incredible from this angle:

Jesus is the only one who can perform miracles, like having a perfect 15-1 season.

You should see the shit we keep for ourselves.

Wait... When did people think the Irish had gigantic dicks?

We still have enough to buy the Cleveland Browns.

FAT DOG TOUCHDOWN

This is like when the fridge scored a rushing TD in the Super Bowl. Damn, this big guy just made my day…