How does one cream a possum?

Maybe it was for the good of the community. I have a friend who becomes irredeemably farty when he drinks cranberry juice (well, cocktail, not the juice; straight unsweetened cranberry juice is undrinkable). Yet he keeps seeking it out and drinking it when he thinks no one will catch him, then releasing…

Now imagine that face on the run. Like, literally running through a field, bobbing atop his rumpled polo shirt, jowls a’bobbin’, looking anxiously behind him for the police dogs bounding after him. Isn’t it grand?

That sad peas-and-carrots mix?

I’m looking forward to Sanders addressing his supporters about the need to support Clinton if they want to see any progress toward their policy goals at all. I totally respect his right to advocate for his preferred policies (although by my view, the difference between his policies and Clinton’s is one of scope rather…

What is the overlap between Johnson’s and Sander’s platforms that makes Johnson a better consolation prize than Clinton? Aren’t libertarian former-Republicans pretty much the opposite of democratic-socialists from a policy standpoint?

I’m strongly in favor of a more diverse judiciary (and a more diverse everything else, frankly), in part on the basis that the judgment of every judge is enhanced by exposure to colleagues (rather than litigants) from different backgrounds. (I have a vague recollection of reading about studies demonstrating that bias…

Their children would have had such wonderful eyebrows.

At least they were doing it furtively, suggesting that they get it’s not okay and can be deterred by society with an application of shame. Its the guys openly jerking off over their french vocabulary flashcards that make me nervous.

This monkey has very attractive eyes. It’s a nosejob away from having a real shot at a career in pictures. Have its people call my people and we’ll set up some meetings.

But the photographer (who captures this gentleman with the eye of a young Robert Mapplethorpe) said that it wasn’t just the one saggy ball; it was the whole saggy package, which he partially concealed with his shirt after he saw her documenting his highly developed sense of propriety.

“If it’s not a man in a movie, what else was it going to be?” Uh, duh, it was going to be apes.

So to show her nuanced view of race, she contrasts her imagined black teenaged men who committed these crimes with an African-American teenaged “child” with a great sense of rhythm, smiling as he picked up scraps on his hands and knees? Yikes.

It’s certainly true that YouTube has become a free public jukebox. Just last night, my wife and I were playing name that tune with a playlist of the Billboard Hot 100 from 1998, which is composed almost exclusively of songs that we (1) would never, ever consider purchasing, and (2) remembered much more immediately and…

So is Lady Gaga wearing a wig in this picture, or a haircut carefully designed to look exactly like a wig? Also, it’s very had to stop commenting on Jezebel once one’s started.

Apparently not. Or what credit is. It was difficult to explain all the obvious bad things his self-righteousness would bring down on him, mostly because his self-righteousness made me want all those bad things to happen to him.

Yes, but only emanating from the back of the head. That’s why whenever I meet someone, I devise some inconspicuous ruse to allow me to run around behind them and sniff the back of their head. It saves me from wasting my time talking to blithering idiots. And to most other people, too.

You’re absolutely right that there’s no legally required religious test. But unfortunately, thanks to modern gerrymandering and old-fashioned prejudice, there’s effectively a religious test for elected office, just as there was effectively a racial test before President Obama came along and lit up our lives (and, in…

One Donald, Two Corinthians.

The first thing I thought when I saw that bit about her having made things “extremely challenge for . . . [her] students” was that she had been using them as mules to smuggle Australian currency. Which would have been a pretty entertaining wrinkle.