Eephus pitch: I learned something on Deadspin today. Thanks, Deadspin and/or Obama!

I mustache you not grab me with 1 second left sir.

He would have dropped his second green jacket on the day.

They don’t call them “chairs” at Augusta, they are “upholstered lounging structures.”

Now one day out of date but:

What did they expect when they hired a kid named McLovin

What depreciates more quickly, a car when you drive it off the lot or a 30-year-old slugger coming off a career year with a huge contract?

Oh man. I bet he has the biggest penis.

Add him to this Hall of Fame:

Yeah but Bartolo showed up in one of these, bitches . . .

THAT HAIL MARY PLAY I CALL IT THE DENTIST BECAUSE IT KILLED SOME LIONS FROM EXTREME LONG RANGE.

Browns fans wake up from three days of football-induced depression and think:

Unfortunately, he handed the tiger to Vladimir Putin, thinking he just wanted to take a look at the tiger, and.... well, now Floyd doesn’t have a tiger anymore.

Since his tiger is from a former Soviet state, and is a wild animal almost predestined to cause major injury to him in the future (not unlike Travis the chimpanzee), perhaps he should be named Gennady?

Nice try, Josh Gordon.

It’s different in that it’s a thousand times worse than a punch

Perhaps the NFL will consider a Talib-ban

How is this not worth an ejection?