Back in my day, real men claimed to be playing squash while they were actually slamming their mistresses

When i was just an innocent 12 year old mormon kid, my neighbor friends asked me if i had ever masturbated before, i said no not knowing what it was.

They explained that i just needed to get some soap for lubrication and rub my dick.

What they didn’t emphasize was they were talking about liquid soap or lotion. So that…

Cara literally sings a song all about telling people to bug off. I would be more perturbed if she went “sexy beach” for this Disney song.

this guy.

No, because as a Sanders supporter, you believe there’s a secret conspiracy headed by the DNC that coerced, blackmailed or possibly even tortured Bernie into endorsing a candidate he once did everything he could to save America from. Bernie’s like a prisoner of war - his words are manipulated by the people with the li…

hahaha, luckily anyone who talks around here seems to be for hillz. but im very delicate right now, so anything against her might send me into a rage. so maybe in a week or 2 hahaha.

I WANNA SWEARZ!!

i just guffawed at work. YOU OWE ME A JOB!

Wouldn’t it be ironic if it was Comey who went to jail over Hillary’s emails??

1. Because the FBI is part of the Executive Branch.

Are you really this stupid?

Last night I asked my husband if I could please just get and stay drunk until the 9th. He said no. Something about our 8 year old homeschooler not being old enough to take care of herself yet, or something. I think he’s just being a spoilsport.

Kinda think it’s shitty how people are so negative about the KUWTK resuming filming after ~only 3 weeks.~ Because of course there is never a good way to be a victim and if she doesn’t hole up and hide away forever, fuck her that attention-seeking whore. And whatever you may think about the Kardashians, these kinds of…

I replied half drunk, not expecting a reply. I’m glad you did reply, I agree.As much as I dislike Big Bang, I love Interstellar. Can’t think of any other movie that made me weep. Loudly.

I’m thinking that’s actually when he did a bit of soul-searching and experienced deep regret that he didn’t go with the roman shades.

As the locals would say, he robbed them blind.

I’m here for the feud with Kit Kavanagh and Kevin East.

Wait until you get to the chapter where Tanya writes her hit song Flake It Off

I will preface this with the fact that unnatural movements freak me out. A lot.