Etiquette Monster v. Kate

okay how did you not know that one because its in the commercial

God, pencil skirts with their vent sewn shut make me want to wander around with manicure scissors.

What next?! That I’m supposed to cut my pockets open when a piece of thread is holding them closed?

Also riptides are visible from shore. They look like breaks in the waves.

PSA: You get stuck in one of these, you swim parallel to the shore, direction doesn’t matter, until you make your way out of it. Trying to swim through it won’t work, they’re too strong.

[Makes sipping sound]

How much do you wanna bet the nanny charges it to 100 and then just plays angry birds on it for a minute

Can we put together a Kickstarter for this woman, for a subscription to a service that sends a masseur to her home once a month with a basket of bath goodies, chocolates, and booze of her choice?

please, even deadspin can’t do sport writing right

The hottest new thing in Moniga del Garda is La Scaletta. It has everything. Waiters that whisper the specials breathlessly in your ear, pizza cubes, chairs made of shitty tippers, entitlement cocktails, lamps that look like upside-down boobs, ice with messages inside about everything you did wrong in your childhood,…

Yeah, any halitosis conversation without mentioning tonsil stones is like discussing politics without mentioning money.

Can’t watch video, are tonsil stones mentioned? These can be a super pain, and there’s no easy way to make them go away.

“Hey, you’re black, right?”

Given her type of Ehler-Danlos syndrome combined with her age, the alternative was that major blod vessels could rupture during childbirth and she would have bled out in seconds. Also a cause for concern

Love this.

If I had a Chevy, I'd give it to you for articulating my thoughts. True and right. Thank you.

You were and are an essential part of my journey towards womanhood Kate

True story.

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