Almost Married to the Mob

I was on a Greyhound bus where the driver complained about only getting an 8-hour break between long-haul shifts, and during those 8 hours he had to schlep 90 minutes home and back, hang with his kids, shower, eat...and sleep maybe 2 hours, total.

HEY-oh!

I wonder how she feels knowing that every time she leaves the room, her boss turns to his buddies and proclaims her “a three at best.”

there’s a Kmart near NYU that’s never not busy.

her twitter feed is comedy gold.

I watched it before the hype, which was lucky.

if SNL hasn’t already lined up Rosie O’Donnell to play Steve Bannon, someone has fallen asleep on the job.

a neighbor’s creepy friend asked me out, and I too made the mistake of saying I was seeing someone. he pestered me monthly, “so, you still seeing that guy? how come he’s never here?” until I finally moved out.

its infuriating how ingrained it is in us to “just be nice,” when every part of you was saying no, I don’t want to date your brother. no, I don’t want to friend you on Facebook...

going bigger is key. smoothing without all the smooshing.

my spanx secret is to buy them one size up, so they simply smooth out the obvious dimples, etc, but don’t compress anything (and the ones they sell at DSW are made out of panty hose material, instead of that thick spandex. they actually feel rather lovely.)

“I can’t be arsed” is why the sun will never truly set on the British Empire that is my heart.

I met a guy on bumble who said, a half-hour into our first date, “I was attracted to you because you didn’t look like you were trying as hard as everybody else,” and I thought oh dear, here we go...check, please.

Michael Che might wanna check on his bunny. and his stove.

can we talk about the photo hanging behind them?

frankly I find the idea of a wise older woman character way more interesting than wise old Asian man, which has been done to f*cking death.

is there a species down under that doesn’t have the word “deadly” in front of it?

as a video editor I am SO JEALOUS of whoever got to cut this.

it’s December, for bob’s sake!