YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH ABOUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

Kids, leave your parents hanging on the telephone.

Wow. My son’s middle name is a surname that you’d never ever want to call a kid by because it was his dad’s and granddad’s and great-granddad’s middle name, and his great-great-grandmother’s maiden name. My brother’s is also a surname for similar reasons. Using a family name/conglomeration of family names in the…

As someone who never watched, I still don't get it. But that's just me.

Daryl Dragon’s father was Carmen Dragon, a noted arranger. He arranged a gorgeous version of America, the Beautiful for wind ensemble. It ends with a stunning trumpet fanfare.

That name is metal as fuck.

That’s a very good point. I wonder if that’s his actual birth name or a stage name that preceded his stage name?

• Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill “hate” each other.

Wow. Just wow. These fucking guys. You know how history looks at Joseph McCarthy in scorn? Welcome to the club you god damned shitlords.

I agree. Let’s feast our eyes upon Mr. Waltz, shall we? Mmmmmmm.

Do you know what would be awesome? If we completely divorced health care from the employer/employee relationship. We could have some sort of, I don’t know, single payer system or something.

This is why we don't want vacancies on the court.

Didn’t Jesus have to die so our sins could be absolved or whatever? You goy bastards should be thanking us for killing Jesus.

My dad (also a doctor) used to tell my brother and I when we were feeling sick to “go take a hot bath.” The man was a saint to his patients and yet our medical solutions at home all revolved around warm bodies of water. One time I was in a riding accident that was so bad, I broke my hip, my scapula, and my helmet was…

I lived with a girlfriend for 4 years, we had adopted a cat, dog & turtle who were all abandoned. She got a great new job in another state, we were looking for places but nobody would let us take all 3. She said we should give them up. It honestly shocked me she would say that, instantly in my head I thought “Bitch,…

I hate pranks in general, but prank phone calls fill me with an irrational knee-jerk hatred. No wonder it would be a staple of a Morning Zoo-type show. Mean spirited, stupid, just the lowest common denominator stuff. They’re actively making people dumber. Thank god we live in an age where you can personally curate…

I was once in the window seat of a row of three. There was a gentleman in the aisle seat. As the boarding process ended, it became clear that the middle seat was to remain blissfully empty and I felt immediate relief, until the gentleman picked himself up, scooted over, and started to lower his ass into the vacant…

Oh no, not Genius vs Pitchfork. What ever will we do????

I am now officially one of “the olds” because not one damn sentence in this article makes a damn lick of sense to me.

Oh, wow. I’m special. I thought it said Tori Amos. Whew. Tori Spelling feels much better to me.