We had a talking parrot when I was a kid and they are so incredibly smart. He would yell “shut the door” whenever anyone left the house and learned to count in English and Spanish from watching Sesame Street with me. His language skills were incredible and he actually adapted and learned. My mom hated him and always…

I am currently being forced to answer phones all day at work, and this happened a couple of weeks ago:

I showed this story to my wife.

On a scale of 1-10, Madeleine, how proud are you of that headline?

Me reading the headline...

I had to read that headline multiple times to comprehend it. I don’t even want to say where my mind was heading.

Always relevant.

It’s like a new governess hired to manage a particularly unruly child, and using every trick in her bag to make him behave.

She has to fuck Steve Mnuchin. She’s paying in her own way.

“Nothing to see here, a young woman just fell over dead in my submarine! Funny when that happens, right? And then I honored her body by feeding her to the sharks like an air burial except in the water. How dare you accuse me of murder!” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Such changes of heart cost them nothing, and I bet all of them are still inwardly cheering the destruction of the EPA, Department of State, etc. They are still getting the ruined government, the remnants of which fight for and represent the privileged exclusively, that they requested with their votes last November.

So today alone I heard about 4 different people who regret their Trump votes. A neighbor’s husband, a friend’s elderly mother, and two other acquaintances, they think he’s a big dope now. Isn’t that so nice of them to have a change of heart? A change of heart that’s too little and too fucking late to reverse course…

My favorite technique uses a dime, a handheld mirror and a piece of paper. Just about any mirror will do, even the one on my wife’s purse. I’ve used this many times in the past for partial eclipses.

BANNON IS LITTLEFINGER

You know Bannon/Trump’s relationship is now like...

In his head it probably played out like a movie with Ms Bro stopping the funeral and telling everyone to be quiet so they could all huddle around the phone adoringly listenening to Trump

To be fair, he only knows, like, 4 adjectives.

Who could have predicted that the president, when given 140 characters to describe a woman who died defending her city from fascists that the adjectives he would use would begin with “beautiful” and not include “brave” or “strong” or “principled” or “righteous”? Oh, everybody could have predicted that? Oh. Okay.

LWT is always phenomenal, I’m not sure I can think of any valid criticism I’ve ever had about that show, but even by its own high standards I think Sunday’s show was perhaps the best I’ve ever seen. The segment on Charlottesville was phenomenal. Oliver’s anger was palpable, and the humor sprinkled throughout was…

“Because it’s impossible and unconstitutional.”