He looks like hes said “Dont ever tell your parents about this” more than a few times.

Doesn’t matter, some developer is probably furiously at work on hand-recognition software as we speak.

You can only wander around in the dark with a bathrobe on for so long before it gets boring.

I’m in the section going to Canada. Can’t say I’d have much complaints.

I’m in the portion of the U.S. scheduled to be conquered by China in the inevitable dissolution of the Union and my feelings are kind of like “Well, at least the dictator running our lives won’t be incompetent...”

My question is: Why are you so concerned with what Chris Evans is doing with his dick? Like, do you want to put it in your mouth? That’s fine. I too, hope that one day I will be able to put Chris Evan’s dick in my mouth.

So are we a host when we have a penis inside us? Does that penis belong to us while we are hosting it? Can we do with it whatever we want? Just asking.

If it’s any consolation, I do believe plenty of planned for pregnancies also turn into disaffected teens who shop at Hot Topic.

Well, I mean...my pregnancy was unwanted, and that baby is now a disaffected teen who does indeed shop at Hot Topic. But other than that, this godawful personal reflection of a white single dude’s sexual failings was a waste of my fucking time. Which, funnily enough, is exactly what I’d imagine sex with him is like.

This was the backside of one of my women’s march signs:

So it never occurred to anyone to ask the White House staff how to turn on the lights?

I can’t stand that look of awe and childlike adoration on a grown woman’s face. It’s the look every woman with one marble rolling around in her head gives her husband when he’s got two marbles rolling around. Duggard shit

This is the only thing I want to talk about today. The Truck Fucking urge is starting to percolate into all facets of society. Have you ever had sex in a truck? Let me tell you, it’s one of the least sexy vehicle options. We all know it only ranks slightly higher than a mini-van.

No, but it’s 2017. So 1939 was 78 years ago.

MABA: Make America Bane Again

i think that melania does herself no favors standing next to FLOTUS. the genuine warmth next to the steely coldness of excess botox and lack of a soul is very jarring.

Sidebar—I really like Melania’s ensemble. Too bad the Apricot Pol Pot had to be elected for me to get to see it.

Jewel is famous for approaching grammar and word choice with casualty.