I really want to believe he gives himself pep talks in the mirror each morning: “Make it a great day, JJ!” “You got this one, JJ!” And then alternately berates himself each night.

do you think he comments

Are you suggesting that it was somehow ridiculous or wrong of the neighbors to make a noise complaint about hours of “f-bomb” music being blasted outside of their homes/private pool for hours?

Was she a tough child to raise, mom Igloo?

Me reading that:

Fuck whoever wrote that. Seriously. FUCK. THAT. GUY. I’m a straight white male & even I recognize that the most spoiled & infantilized race in America sure ain’t the black one. It’s ours. How can anyone not see that?!

the only highlight was the barrel roll

No one should ever be partying with devout religious folks if at all possible.

Overwhelming cardigan

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I expect amazing celebrations for my birthday. But I orchestrate them myself because I’m a grown-ass adult. “No cards or gifts please: just come to my home and imbibe all this lovely alcohol I’ve purchased for all of us as we dance and karaoke and game.”

i always chortle to myself when i’m buying booze and toilet paper at the same time (it used to happen relatively regularly somehow), like i look like my plan for the night is to get wasted and shit myself

Oh my god. For anyone that thinks that hair cutting is not cruel, my mom force cut my hair when I was 10 and it wasn’t until I was in my 30s and had therapy that I could handle having it cut again.

Republican primaries/debates.

You know how Republicans take over the state governments of other states and access to abortion gets narrower and narrower?

Does anyone know how they use robots to check a house? The first thing I thought of was a high-tech Roomba. Looking up ‘police robot’ is bringing up photos of CHAPPiE, Robocop and other ‘enforcers’....

Orders of protection do jack shit if the perpetrator won’t follow it. It’s just a piece of paper to most of them, particularly if the lethality potential is that high. All it would have done is enable police to arrest him if he came into contact with her....WHICH THEY ALREADY HAD THE RIGHT TO DO BECAUSE HE WAS ON THE…