No, it’s real.

Something about a super fast aging ability/uncannily beautiful and intelligent for a baby? She’s supposed to have this magical je ne sais quoi as the unholy offspring of a vampire and a human. In the case of the movie that je ne sais quoi translates as horrible model faced gremlin spawn. I didn’t read the books or see…

I think that might be Swiper from Dora the Explorer, but that doesn’t answer any questions. Especially why he’s smiling standing next to the devil.

Wait is that a fox tail??? It looks like a badger tail??

but... but.. why did they just not suggest Ellen...?

Its a fox. Because fox. Do you not want a tiny fox?

There is a lot of “lol wtf” going on in this post but what the hell is this kid carrying and why

My grandmothers both wanted a stake in my name when I was born, so they suggested a name combo, ala Renesmee.

Okay I didn’t see this movie or read the book, was there a vampire-related reason that they had a creepy Renaissance-baby-Jesus instead of just a kid?

The word “epitome” has to be responsible for my favorite story from high school. While reading things aloud in our sophmore english class, one girl pronounced it “eppi-tome” and right away some bitchy popular girl with about 10 layers of bangs made some weird ass judgey sound and said, “You mean epitome?” Girl who…

In a case sad irony (I think it’s irony but “ThatisNotIrony” may need to make the call) I believe that the inventor died by accident riding the eponymous vehicle off a cliff. Awry is a toughie. I remember my father reading the paper and asking “What is durr -briss and why would it litter a highway?” And I am guilty of…

Birth control is perfectly legal and this victory gives us a much better chance of getting an abortion referendum passed soon.

Yay!

These people ASTOUND me. Because wasn’t casting stones this walking dumpster fire’s JOB?!? He worked for a goddamn hate group, which, along with his family, campaigned actively against LGBTQ+ rights. And a fucking 15-year-old knows better than to diddle little kids.

Damn. I always forget that part. My bad.

It’s not religious persecution if THEY do it, silly. Then it’s God’s will.

NOT WHEN I’M TRYING TO GET TO THE FUCKING LIQUOR STORE BEFORE NOON ON SUNDAY.

And here, I was thinking it would be Blue Laws aka Christian Sharia preventing the sale:

Yes, what is this world coming to when employees can refuse service to customers simply based on their own religious beliefs? I’m assuming, of course, that next he’s going to go after the pharmacists and pharmacy techs who refuse to supply customers with birth control and Plan B. Right? Riiiiight?