GTFOH!

The way that I love watermelon? Shooooo. I was buying those mini watermelons at Trader Joe’s practically every other week this summer.

Citrulline is an amino acid that may improve mild erectile dysfunction, though I would stop short of requiring that watermelons have warning labels for “erections lasting longer than four hours.”

Shhh dude you’re gonna see to it we NEVER get invited!

That shirt is AWFUL. If you really do get invited to the cookout, do NOT wear a damn shirt patting yourself on the back for it. The photo of you dancing with the Uncle or Aunt should be cherished and kept to yourself, and is the only acceptable long-term souvenir.

re: actual cookouts. During this recent departing summer, I was an invited guest to two “barbecues” that were hosted by non-melaninated people of the northeast region of the U.S. (Southern white folks’ functions are different). Ummm... Never again.

That “Invited to the Cookout” shirt is 10% cotton and 90% cringe. It might as well have “DOWN WIT THA STRUGGLE” in Comic Sans on it.

We need more Black friends. Whenever domestic internalized anti-Blackness flares up in us wanting to mingle and touch anything but a nigga we have to double back — close our eyes even if we need a Black reeducation. Alexander O’Neal over British New Wave when you’re having a crying fit over 80s nostalgia music.

Jesus god, what a way to fuck up a whole lot of food.

I don’t understand them. They don’t close the curtains, but they turn around and get mad at what they see. See: The woman in Virginia who was upset some man was walking around naked in his house with the curtains open. Stacey, I’m sure if I walked down to your house the curtains are wide open 24/7.

I close ALL the…

“Dumpster-hearted bootyhole gerbal-in-chief”

What’s a Post Malone? I thought it was a offense play you ran on the Utah Jazz in the early 90s

I googled, to see if there is such a thing as kale potato salad. There is:

As I told Tonja Stidhum (one of the writingest wimmenz I know), I’ll be damned if I miss out on the macaroni and cheese because you niggas are out here inviting everybody who smiles at you and hugging Nazis at the cookout. Go-go gadget: higher standards.

Dear woke white people, please just leave our cookouts alone. I know y’all have plenty of unseasoned foods at your own cookouts to enjoy.

When I first moved in with my husband, he always asked why I kept the curtains closed. BITCHHHHHH. I dont fucking need Jimmy down the street looking into my shit or Donna seeing what kind of shit I got in my living room. Even now in our neighborhood, the white families will have their curtains open AT NIGHT. I can see…

you know what your comment just reminded me of?

My reaction? “Bitch...see? You know what? Uh uh.”

Why? Because I live in DC, where white people love to to refer to shit as sketchy. I’m on their listserv, so I see the innocuous black shit they freak out over while not closing their damn curtains. But this is totes a cool idea?

Agree, no Echo for me. Knowing my choice of reading material, cosmetics and cleaning materials is more than enough for them. Oh and there’s an extremely short list of Friends/Family that’s allowed to be in my home if no one is home. CRAZY.

I saw the article title and immediately thought “that is a horrible idea, Amazon has lost its damn mind if it thinks I’m letting some random in my house”