Bieber does seem like the type to sing, "You're so precious to me. Am I precious to you?"

P.S. DISAGREEING WITH HOW ISRAEL IS HANDLING IT'S "SITUATION" DOES NOT MAKE YOU A JEW HATER.

This trial is going to be so, so satisfying.

I completely read the second paragraph in the voice of Stefon. This trial has everything...jumproping penguins, human rocket launchers, my cousin Otis...

Heeeere you go...

Yeah, easy to be a good grandpa when you've retired after making a king's random doing leveraged buyouts and liquidations of companies. I'll bet there are a few grandpas who would love to spend more time with the kids but are instead spending their golden years as Walmart greeters after their jobs were liquidated by…

YES. I feel like there must have been a secret meeting between the diet industry and the fashion industry (I mean, they have those regularly, right?):

Does this guy realize the answer to muffin top is buying pants the right size, not getting plastic surgery?

Women are increasingly working now?!

Except the very fact that they are currently on an international tour, the theme of which is them being a couple, also undermines Kara's "they're private about their relationship" point.

I always hated kids. Then I had kids. Now I realize that I don't hate kids, I just hate everyone else's kids.

I don't recall trying to argue that atheists and Jews are the same kind of thing. YOU said that atheists aren't a persecuted minority. Don't move the goalposts.

Penn Jillette is a shit who happens to also be an atheist. He'd be a shit even if he weren't.

Yes. They do fantastic snarky recaps of The Bachelorette.

I don't even know what it's supposed to mean. It's like the bots are becoming sentient and trying to communicate by mashing together phrases.

Shampoo that actually straightens your hair. For real! No flat irons, blow drying, etc.

Products that would exist:

Did...did you read the article? I believe the point was that no amount of white-wearing meadow-frolicking is going to convince me tampon A is better than tampon B, because dudes made the commercials and have no clue what women actually look for in a tampon.