There’s always one.

Not sure how much heavy “studying” ol’ Dubya did as an undegrad at Yale. “History.” Whatevs.

Watched it and loved it, was somewhat astounded by the fact that fucking Paul Ryan showed up (and talked about how everyone should have the same fair chances no matter their background, something he is particularly good at making more difficult).

Mine says none, so I guess it’s working.

Would it kill Jimmy Fallon for just once not to break into a giggling fit like a little school girl?

Go cautiously. Many of them have warped sound, which will be displeasing to your ears and MAY make you love it less OR SO I’VE HEARD, I WOULDN’T KNOW.

I never fessed up though, this is literally my first time telling this story to anyone. My secret shame.

That happened a lot.

No, just living vicariously through your experience. :-)

When dad joking goes bad situation?

I told the kids at school my dad spoke Chinese. They called home and asked my dad to come in and teach a few sayings. In my defense I believed it.

My parents are cops and growing up I wasn’t allowed to do a damn thing: no mall or movies with friends, no cruising around, no parties, whatever. So by senior year I was sick of it and my bf at the time was throwing a party so I figured f it, I’m 16, I’ll do what I want. So I told them I was staying at a friend’s…

Like many little kids, I was a sugar addict. Like other kids with hippie moms and dads, I was also denied sugar about 360 days out of each year. Santa actually put carob in our stockings, and the Easter Bunny gave us almonds. It was a sad life, but I figured out how to sneak treats when I could, and I got fairly…

So you ran away as a kid too? I want to know more!

Once my nana had to babysit me and she doesn’t speak English (and she had no TV) so the day was going by very slow. I was looking around the house and found pepper spray. I did not know it was pepper spray, and I probably didn’t even know that was a thing at that age. Anyways, I thought it was one of those sprays you…

This is really awful, but here it goes:

I was one of those kids who is constantly hungry - like, must eat every fifteen minutes hungry. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and binge-eat leftovers because my stomach hurt so badly that I couldn’t get back to sleep without shoveling in food. I blamed it on my sister; my parents bought it even though…

It was second grade and we would get weekly progress reports that our parents had to sign every Friday and we would have to return them Monday. Every week I would get a smiley face for overall behavior and I was a little too proud of this. Until the week I was giggling at a joke during class my classmate told me in a…

Although no one likes to admit it, lying - including white lies and lies by omission - are a vital survival tool and social lubricant. I’m not saying that lying is right, just that it is sometimes necessary.

I was a latchkey kid. One day when I was about 8 I lost my house key and couldn’t get in, so I tried opening a window. But, because all the windows had screens, the only way I could get traction on the windows to see if they’d open was to cut open the screen. I tried almost all the windows before I found one that…