Nah, it's that one of our players (Dempsey) suffered a broken nose but wasn't substituted, and another injury (Besler) didn't result in a substitution until half-time. Methodology problems.

The Only Way Its Essex

As far as lame excuses for double-dipping on merchandise revenue, Cleveland is the worst offender... They use #1 overall picks.

Not only did this make me feel better, but my dick grew a quarter inch. 11/10.

/makes smug remark about American talent

England and Germany both played two good games. They just happened to both play good teams.

You've never been to Europe, have you?

How terrible are USA's uniforms? I didn't recognize that was John Brooks. I thought I had missed a Russian header somewhere.

I don't approve of their omission of the classiest of touches, the Heel Kick, though I concede it was quite ballsy to sneak it in as a GIF.

Pipe down, millennial.

The third-world nations of Cameroon and Croatia are responsible for more of my entertainment today than Tom Ley.

Man, I thought when I walked in that paying $10 for a beer at a game was pretty steep, but by halftime, my beer cost $728.39.

Fortunately, much like our own, German and Portugese forwards do not play defense.

Tirico: Michael, what did you think of Germany's performance?

This is a joke, right? Müller reacted by withdrawing from the contact, and then immediately getting up and into Pepe's face. I'd buy the flop if he was lying on the ground writhing in pain, but this was a pretty genuine reaction. He clearly wasn't hurt, he was surprised and pissed off.

sing-a-long

The initial comparison is fucking stupid. One could make the same inane statement about football and basketball or hockey, for all the same stupid reasons. It's not any more valid, it's just an unenlightened comparison of a game of power and leverage to a game of technique and skill. It doesn't really deserve further…

The original statement is stupid, but this is a terrible defense of soccer.

as you can tell by all the SOCCER SUCKS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T USE YOUR HANDS AND HIT PEOPLE comments on every message board everywhere-

Thanks for your input, Kelly. I can assure you that I have not "paid attention to any of the PUA stuff out there," and that I certainly won't start any time soon. Perhaps that raises a question of my credentials to comment about a topic of which I am so ignorant, but then, I have never attended a Klan or al-Qaeda…