I come from a long line of beer money sign men. My uncle was a beer money sign man. My uncle’s uncle was a beer money sign man. My uncle’s uncle’s uncle was a beer money sign man. My uncle’s uncle’s uncle’s uncle was a beer money sign man, and so was his bastard nephew twice removed. My uncle’s uncle’s uncle’s uncle…

Tomsula/Pence 2020

The actual Tomsula Index is a list of businesses that will let you use their bathroom without having to buy anything. 

I was in no way disparaging the fine city of Milwaukee. I just associate it with sausages. And I fucking love sausages. 

Of course. At any rate, here’s some ideas for that windfall you may or may not have received...

The first rule of Supermax Club is you don’t talk about Supermax Club.

+1 Alabama hurricane

RIP Mrs Bojankles

Who’s Blanche and what school she at?

Lighten up Francis.

If Dan Marino had played hockey:

I'd suggest that Tom Brady has to go return some videotapes, but Roger Goodell has already made sure that those videotapes were destroyed.

This line from Brady says it all.

Christian Bale based his performance in American Psycho on Tom Cruise, specifically his “intense friendliness with nothing behind the eyes.”

And I'd like to see a reporter snap and beat Belichick into a coma

Alright, who said “Speak!”?

Another reminder that Tom Brady is football Tom Cruise.

He might actually help them win a game, and we know they don’t want any part of that.

You sweet summer child. 

I reached out to Antonio Brown for comment, but succeeded only in getting my arm wet in the toilet.