He's trying out for Man U next season

Last thing I need is the university thinking I took a 3 hour shit just because I passed out on the toilet again.

I mean, Iggy was a Finals MVP and always had to guard the best player in the world. That carries some weight for me.

Manu
Iggy
Livingston
Everyone else

No way GS wins anything without Iguodala. 

I like the name "Albert's 10,000 Dogs," it's a bold choice to give a dog such an absurdist name.

Barry’s cat would have an honorific, like Mrs. Scrunchiepoo or Dr. Cuddles.

That’s McQuade’s cat, Detective John Munch

Sir. No.

Gravity finally gets its sweet revenge on Newton. 

He’s got the yips, and when a quarterback has the yips, there is only one thing left to do.

Adam Gase has continued the Kill the Head program—he just switched to PCP.

Unlike the baseball, however, your wife’s seams are looser than ever.

My guess is that you’ve had a lot of trickling down with that poor home run total.

Nope, just a series of Marvel puns.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I don’t like what I see...

A much more acceptable reason? If Dwight were a fan of the purple stuff from Sunny D commercials.

It would take me roughly half a second to say yes. 

Dead hands tell no tales (for 6-8 weeks)

Man Injures Throwing Hand Throwing Hands.