They let you have a family?!?

I live in Sonoma and saw a guy walking around downtown in a worn out Dan Marino jersey today and all I could think was how cool the Dolphins jerseys used to be and man somebody better keep that man away from the Golden Gate bridge.

Yeah, and the restraining order said you can’t be within 100 feet of the building. I don’t want to have this conversation again.

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

By the looks of it, that was the first time a girl ever touched him...

It’s absolutely brilliant. JK Simmons is perfect in the role.

Derek Carr: "I would be more upset if I weren't so heavily sedated."

So the Patriots are Linda Litzke and AB is a set of fake tits?

One of the best endings of a movie, ever, and one that I love to figuratively apply to almost any situation in life.

Jesus fuckin’ Christ.

INTERIM COACH PHIL FULMER

Still more conference championships than Notre Dame.

It, is starting to feel that way

I feel like Maroon 5 occupies a disproportionate number of music questions on Jeopardy. Maybe the writers feel like it’s the kind of music that will be familiar to a teacher from Salt Lake City, Utah, an attorney from Evanston, Illinois, and a data research consultant from San Jose, California. 

Folks are so anxious to throw dirt on Rodgers grave, but dude is currently leading the NFL in passer rating and TDs and has yet to throw a pick.

My man!

WWE’s Ricochet: “WHAT’S THIS ABOUT BUTT FINGERING?”

There’s a big difference between your average Christian and the kind of Christian who pushes people to have their kids bring bibles to school and preach.

Thanks for your perspective.

As a recent job-hunter, you forgot to mention, “Oh, and we’ll ask for your resume, but then force you to fill out your employment/education history online, anyway.”