Can’t, I’m at work.

I win.

You magnificent bastard you

Then let this be your wake up call.

I trusted you!

Eat a Snickers.

He apparently told cops he pulled his pants down during the WSOP because he had lost a bet.

“That’s 54,000 haircuts!” - Mark Davis

It’s where #7 goes that will REALLY haunt you.

Now now, we all know Lakers, Yankees, Cardinals, Steelers and Canadian hockey fans are among the chillest groups in sports.

Everybody in Boston thinks they’re Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting when really they’re Matt Damon in Team America: World Police.

Cycling’s doping problem is out of control!

How did they know it was the Devil’s Lettuce? I’m an avid fan of the Jazz Cabbage myself, but from that distance I can’t tell a regular old potted plant from a bunch of Giggle Bushes.

Nothing says “we take this very seriously” like a screenshot from the Notes app.

I A-M G-O-I-N-G U-P-S-T-A-I-R-S T-O W-E-E-P L-O-U-D-L-Y A-T W-H-A-T I H-A-V-E B-E-C-O-M-E

Do you think you’d notice some sketchy guys in a Crown Vic tailing you all the way home?

An unusual perspective from someone who makes her living through her phone.

Re: Patagonia.

I watched the 1st half of the game at a bar (surprisingly served me without my ID)...

The Texans are also paying near half of Clowney's tag for him to play in Seattle. Even if you wanted to argue that the moves themselves make sense, the way they were done is a total clownshow.