All this dramatic, psychotic behaviour, and he won’t retire with a winning record. The Jets will probably go 7-9 this season. I learned when I saw Rudy Giuliani boasting that he only slept 4 hours per night (this was way before a 767 flew into my building), to never judge a man by the quantity of waking hours he puts…

Fueled by five or six 20-ounce cups a day from the Kuerig coffee maker that is an arm’s length from his desk,

The man that never sleeps coaching for the city that never sleeps. Poetic.

Took this about two weeks ago.

Walter Payton.  Not sponsor.

I really believe Steve would slap the shit out of him.

I have never felt anything about the Dolphins, but unlike Jacksonville and Tampa Bay, I remember they exist. That’s probably the best thing that I can say about professional Florida teams.

Finally...my team. This sole purpose of this team is to let it’s fans down. Miami sports fans are so delusional fans in all of sports, every year we legitimately believe we have a chance and our teams lead us right to the slaughter like lambs the Dolphins will rattle off 3 or 4 midseason wins and look like world…

I’m not blaming DJ Moore, but I will say, that same week, John Brown went 7 for 7 for 134 yards and a TD. Hopefully Smith kept his promise. 

Wow, somebody else’s fantasy team that I actually care about.

I sent this to my wife, a Dolphins fan, after she said “Oh, I thought Rosen was the starter. I’m sure he will be by week 1.”

I’m a lifelong Dolphins fan. Dan Marino bought me a PS2 for my 15th birthday. The last time I attended a playoff game was when I watched them get skullfucked by the Ravens. This team has been so utterly boring, so completely inconsequential throughout the Ross’s tenure that I really cannot put it into words. You’re a…

And I would do ANY THING FOR LOVE...oh I would do anything for love...but I won’t douthat....no I won’t douthat 

It’s sad enough that Wikipedia lists Pro Bowl MVPs as actual season awards but even sadder that’s the only award Miami has in the last decade and it was Brandon Marshall in 2011 who has been on 5 other teams since.

That dude from the Buffalo WYTS who thinks a buffalo tender sub is the pinnacle of food is trying to dox you as we speak

<sponsor> Man of the Year and Comeback Player of the Year. I agree, that’s pretty dismal.

It was the highlight of the last ten years of Dolphins football. I’m serious, no NFL team has played more totally forgettable games than the Dolphins have. They have entire seasons where literally nothing happened. 

The great thing about being a Miami Dolphins fan is that you don’t even need to watch any of the games to see how the season turns out. The only mystery is whether they’ll be a disappointing 6-10 or 7-9 or a mildly surprising 10-6 or 9-7. If everything breaks exactly right they’ll backdoor their way into the six seed…

*flashback to his little league coach saying “When you get to the majors, you can catch however you want”*

Guy's a real Gary out there.