You can figgity fuck right on off with that bullshit. You should not be allowed in public :)

We’re all missing the crucial piece which definitively makes you an asshole : why the fuck is your phone on? It’s not just rude (your argument is like sayubg, “I’m talking to one person loudly, but the movie is louder, so why are you paying attention to me yammering like a garbage person and gabbing in the place…

How is that any different to some awful child checking every notification for Snap chat and Insta every few minutes? Are you waiting on a kidney? Is Grandma on her last legs? If so, maybe you shouldn’t be at the cinema!

Why are you even bothering to pay to see a movie when your just staring at your phone. Go into the hallway if you need to do it.

When I was a freshman in college, some friends and I became pretty obsessed with Twin Peaks, which led us down the rabbit hole of all things David Lynch. We overindulged so much that I had the most terrifyingly real nightmare of my life one night that Bob from Twin Peaks was standing at the end of my dorm room near…

I sometimes, when asked to make a toast, raise my glass and say “Here’s to your fuck.”

Said less dickishly, “Here is a different opinion.”