They were planning to sign Tebow today, but were unable to get in touch with him.

Dat was a good joke, you deserved more stars that you have.

Ooooh SNAP!

it was kinda like that old Atari 2600 hockey game with the goalies just shooting the puck back at each other.

My wife, who’s from the Baltics, tells me that Russians and other Eastern Europeans consider Canadians to be worthless drunks, with hockey fighting as Exhibit A. When Russians consider you to be drunks, you might have a problem.

Stop. Panda was 5’ off the baseline and I'm a Boston fan.

Yes, you’re totally right, she’s terrible for getting raped, how dare she. Fuck the victim here. How dare she have the audacity to try to get some form of justice! Everyone knows that because he’s important he shouldn’t have to play by societies rules, cmon, she should know that too!

Holy crap. I clicked on the video and knew exactly where she is at (sign me up to be an investigative reporter, ESPN. I have a college degree, am in good shape, have all my teeth, and live in an apartment). Before everyone absolutely rags on Britt here, let me play devil’s advocate for just one second.

“Lose some weight, baby girl.”

Nice to see Cano is on board with the whole trying to shorten the game thing.

What a coincidence. Magery just relayed a story about some browns running down his kid’s legs.

Dear tips@deadspin.com. Please turn this into words on a page so that I can consume it. Sincerely, 85% of your readers.

They’re based in Cleveland.

All of the hand-wringing in baseball about PEDs is about home run records and nothing else. For some reason, people think that if modern stars surpass the achievements made by Mays, Ruth, Aaron and other players from when baseball was America’s Pastime, it somehow diminishes them or makes what they accomplished less…

There’s no “negotiating a buyout” for Alex. His contract is guaranteed even if they cut him and nobody else ever signs him. Even if he *agreed* to a buyout, the players association would probably block it like they did when he tried to restructure his contract to get traded away from the Rangers.

At 21, I shot a 58. Granted, it was in Hot Shots Golf 2, but dammit, you can't take that away from me.

SAYS THE GUY BUILDING A WORMHOLE.

Your repeated requests that I not read into this are causing me to read into this.

He’s not a terrorist, he’s a true patriot for exposing the lies YOU were being fed from the government. That’s the problem with America. Not enough people stand up to the government to make real change. We could learn a lot from the Europeans. Their government is afraid of them, not the other way around.

He gets 4 more home runs and suddenly he will be the highest paid athlete in AAA.