The boneheaded decision to revive Sex & the City as a (would be) movie franchise—and one that went all-in on the lifestyle porn element—during a disastrous recession did the show no fucking favors.

Which was the worst?

Rock n' Rooooooollllll!!!!!!!!!

$3 million a show? Given GN'R's, um … uneven record on performance fundamentals such as "showing up for the concert," and "playing for more than 10 minutes," and "not inciting riots," I'm betting that promoters are not going to give that kind of guarantee without an insurance policy the size of a phone book.*

"Don't tie up the phone. Hsu Yoo gonna call."

The least horrifying, at any rate.

Batboy Found Dead!

But there were no contracts in place.

Sounds like a great Hateful Eight prequel:

"Did somebody say 'Rushmore'?"
—Jason Schwartzman, probably

Some intern is getting fired for putting the wrong month on the agreement to license "Miracle on 34th Street."

He played all the Ugnaughts.

Rapacious Asshole is my favorite Cannibal Corpse album.

How much is that in Dollarydoos for us Aussies?

And what about the bank loan manager who signed off on that shit? Wonder what he's doing now.

Just a reminder that blue-chip critics are lining up to see The Force Awakens right now, and you're sitting at your computer.

In all fairness, Pandora has lost $150M year-to-date according to their latest SEC filing, so it's not like Pandora is some giant pot of gold for artists.

They say Eve tempted Adam with an apple,
Well I ain't buyin' that,
I know it was a Pink Cadillac.

Hopefully he was there long enough to get some sweet prison tats.

The Stormtroopers had a homecoming,
on Tatooine late last night
And the Skywalker drove his landspeeder
Over the Mos Eisley line
Barefoot girls on the back of a Bantha
Drinking blue milk in the hot desert air
Then Obi Wan pulls into town, whips out his lightsaber,
He takes a stab at Walrus Man
And leaves his arm down on the…