Instead of a hit off the ol’ crack pipe, perhaps I could interest you in my bargain lobotomy service? 

Your dad is cooler than you. 

*Reads headline. Immediately starts scrolling to vote “CP”. Pauses for just a moment to notice the 3 pedals and stick. Shakes it off, scrolls and clicks CP.

Me (using a heavy, lustful French accent): Oh, lover! Remember how after we went to New Orleans you fell in love with the French “razon extra” and have wanted to go to France ever since we talked to the guy talking Creole?

*Prepares to get made fun of.*

We’re going to build a big, beautiful Dyson sphere...and the Omicronians will pay for it!

What ever happened to Jimmy in portfolio management?