YOU NO TAKE CANDLE!

I remember my high school bio teacher back in 2005-ish teaching us about the criteria for life by having an assortment of objects and making us explain why each one was or was not alive. She said she knew she'd be old once nobody recognized the Tamagotchi anymore.

There was nothing in the world that I wanted as badly as one of these back in fourth grade. I never did get one, but I did have a couple knockoffs, like the GigaPet. I think my parents eventually hid that one because it kept beeping for food in the wee hours of the morning.

I feel like if I had to tally up all the times characters made me actually laugh out loud on Scrubs, Kelso would be the unexpected winner. Or he'd at least be a very close second to Cox.

I hated the combat in previous games, but found it much easier in DA: I pretty much just because it aligned well with WoW muscle memory. It was the only one of the three that I enjoyed playing on Nightmare.

I have no idea why people hated Inquisition so much. It was my favorite by far.

I honestly couldn't stand Iron Bull. I don't even know why. I just hated that giant gray douchebag. Dorian was one of the best characters in the series, though.

I wasted entirely too much of my trial time recreating my Ryder because her eyeliner and lipstick were driving me crazy.

It was an option in the later Mass Effect games? I never knew how and I hated not being able to recustomize my Shepards the way I could with Hawke and the Inquisitor.

Is there a quarian ark? I feel like that would be really improbable—even if they could theoretically have spared a ship and enough quarians to populate it, their quest in ME3 wouldn't have been so poignant if they couldn't be made extinct by the destruction of the migrant fleet.

I blame the writing more than Kiernan's delivery for the stilted feel of the monologue. While it was a great monologue, it seems like it would have worked much better on the page—the cadence of it just didn't quite match up with the way people talk.

A woman I know shared some post a few days ago along the lines of "fuck every single one of you out there who didn't vote for Hillary."

"And here is my running mate, Governor of Indiana, Mike Pence."

But didn't you see the not-at-all-forged note that a real-life doctor absolutely, 100% wrote? He's the healthiest candidate ever to run for president. Tremendously healthy. Believe me.

59,814,018 of us did, as a matter of fact, give a fuck about that and vote accordingly. Seeing as how America exists in the world, not in a vacuum where a nation's policies affect only it and nothing else.

It's the other way around. Trump is the lesser of the two evils, because he's too stupid to actually put any evils into practice on his own initiative, and he doesn't believe strongly enough in any of them to expend the effort anyway.

My heart breaks for that poor woman. I can't blame her for not being able to go through with a trial like that against the fucking president-elect of the United States. That's not an uphill battle, that's an up-mountain battle. I just hope she knows that she's still believed and supported even if she'll never have…

I truly never believed Pennsylvania would go red. It never has in my lifetime. (Well, not counting 1988, when I was a baby.) My county went solidly blue, but I guess all those years of dismissing the Tucky of the Pennsyltucky finally came back to bite us in the ass.

I don't think Johnson was taking votes from Hillary, though. Very few people who voted for him would ever have voted for her to begin with. And Stein got so little of the vote that everyone's already pretty much forgotten she ever existed. Third-party voters would still be invited to kiss my ass if they were smart…

It would help if Julian Assange and the FBI followed suit.