If my boobs could magically hover off my chest like that, I'd never wear a bra.

Seriously, such a stupid goddamn prank. Best prank I've ever heard: students got three pigs, greased them up, and unleashed them in the hallways. They had painted the pigs 1, 2, and 4.

Just so you know, this is your future.

We at Team Dog regret this incident and plan on investigating further.

Somebody doesn't know as much about Bey as she think she does.

Yeah, but I already cashed the check from Jimmy Fallon tho. MAMA'S GETTING SOME NEW SHOES.

I'm kinda well-known for my head, too, Hamm. If you know what I mean.

"She opened her top and showed them her boobs, which Jennifer says were completely covered in 'the most beautiful angels and beautiful butterflies and baskets of flowers in pastel-colored tattoos.'"

You're not being specific enough here.

I was specifically replying to that specific paragraph, which is a specific paragraph that specifically appears in this specific article and is thus specifically open to being specifically read and specifically replied to, whether or not the main thrust of the article's body is specifically about that specific topic.

Hexane is all natural.

He's that uncle who always says, unprompted, "I'll tell ya what's wrong with women these days..."

I was once trapped in the parking lot of a Benihana because there was a family of ducks just meandering back and forth all over the lot. It was 20 minutes sitting there, staring at these ducks who were having a never ending debate "SHOULD WE GO HERE SHOULD WE GO THERE NO WAIT TURN AROUND STOP GO BACK WAIT NOT THAT WAY…

John the Baptist cried out in the wilderness and people went out to listen to him. This guy cried out in the middle of the town square and everyone left. I don't know about you, but I'd say that's a clear hint from God.

"It's a fashion club now," Turney said. "The days of wearing our old workout shorts and ratty T-shirts are over."

Yikes. Islam is a religion. You cannot have religious belief without that belief governing your politics. Christians campaign politically just as muslims do. The reason the Westboro Baptist church would be arrested is because they live in a country with decent law and order, kidnapping is illegal in Nigeria (as it is…

I think paparazzi could be terrifying for anyone of any age but I can't imagine dealing with them as a teen. Kudos to Lorde. Love her line "i understand that this comes with the territory. i do not understand why I should be complacent."— as no one should have to give up safety because they are an icon.

You guys. I love how most of these comments are "OMG EW NO ONE WANTS TO SEE JAMES FRANCO'S STUPID PENIS EWWW" followed by complaining that you can't actually see the penis.

ALSO: his ex-wife is named Gay. He was part of a couple called Gay and Butch Otter.