Dear Deadspin Readers! On a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being “agree” and 5 being “strongly agree,” Do you believe Deputy Editor Barry Petchesky, noted loyalist to recently disgraced Editor-in-Chief and noted pancake loather Megan Greenwell, has demonstrated an acute lack of journalistic objectivity with the flippant,…

i could start posting dick pics if you think that’ll bring in some dick pic clicks. nothin fancy, just pics of it, lookin all sad and confused. Can wear my Jon Garland jersey and Porky Pig it, to keep it sports content. Remember Jon Garland? That’s a potential title. Things like that go viral. I can acquire more old…

Good effort, Barry. I’ll give this blog a B-plus. But, honestly, if you’d just delete it altogether, it would be an A’s-minus.

Seriously, though, HAVE you thought about speaking to a professional about your Hillary Clinton obsession?

Like most models, they look far better on paper than they will in real life.

Have you got a better idea than playing miserably defeated football for two decades for the outside chance of being considered a contender for a couple of years until the salary cap kicks in hard and you have to dismantle your team with MAYBE an AFC Championship game appearance?

Isn’t it obvious who ginned it up? The Clintons!

Claw is the law, bub. 

No. 

“And where is all the cocaine?!” - All of these guys.

Last guy could have named his cat Kitty Purry, and if nothing else, he would have dominated the star count at Jezebel’s “Saturday Night Social” thread.

You millennials, always stuck on the latest new things.

It aint about brains son, its about HEART

Tired of all these primadonnas complaining about not getting to play with what they want. Well boohoo snowflake, there are millions of people who would gladly take your place and play for nothing. What happened to being a MAN and playing football in nothing but a leather shell? That’s real FOOTBALL. You go out there…

“The president is correct. I had an affair with an Argentine woman. I would like to point out, however, that two men on this stage have had foreign mistresses. My mistress is still in Argentina, Yours is in AMERICA’S House (Hold for applause). THAT DOESNT SOUND LIKE SOMEONE WHO IS STRONG ON IMMIGRATION TO ME.”

I feel like the only thing you got right was counting to three successfully.

Well, at least no one’s dad died watching the Titans lose!

In the movie Cast Away, Tom Hanks spends four years on an island....alone. When he returns to civilization, his estranged wife notes “We got a football team now.”

Any place called HAM LAKE should be the Nation’s capital at the very least.