This is the ideal male body. You may not like it but this is what peak performance looks like.

Dear Penthouse,

If only there was some kind of audiovisual presentation one could watch in order to have the questions you’re asking answered.

This is going into the same bank as the video where Buzz Aldrin punched a moon-landing denier in his dumbass face

When Barron stares into the void, the void says, “This kid again? Fuck that, can’t a void get a break every now and again? Get some new hobbies, kid!”

Plus the video of Richard Spencer getting sucker-punched on TV.

“They’re not saying, ‘Fuck Trump’, Your Highness. It’s France, my Leige, and they are saying ‘Fuck Schtroumpf’. That’s French for Smurfs. Like I’ve been saying, President Gargamel, the French are on our side!”

Now, THIS, is the kind of report that will carry me through the day. Fuck that, I’m carrying this gem with me for the remainder of the week.

The referees were not debating the foul call, merely deciding whether Mulder’s body should be buried inside or outside the Restricted Area.

Look, man, if I want to spend a couple hours watching a video it’d gotta be porn or Endgame.

Why wouldn’t teams want to take a low-percentage shot and a low-percentage shot and a low-percentage shot and a low-percentage shot and a low-percentage shot with Westbrook?

Nope,

You truly are a wordsmith,*squints at screen*

If England is upset, they can come over here and burn down the White House again. 

I didn’t know the dad from Calvin and Hobbes had a Kinja account!

Not sure that Dame really needed to throw Kanter under the bus there, but I’m sure that Erdogan appreciates the assist.

Uhh, yeah, that’s uhh exactly the point of the article?

(sound of crickets)