Counterpoint: NBA money is all monopoly money anyways; not spending monopoly money on KD makes you the guy-in-the-monocle’s bitch.

To be fair, Julius Randle is widely considered the Kevin Durant of the Randle family.

I’m getting all warm and tingly just thinking about all the rage that will be emanating from the entitled Knicks fans and media. It’s like Christmas morning.

Truly, the only explanation is my derangement! You must be a giant within conservative intellectual circles; your mighty grasp of logic, eloquent perspective and proportionate sense of cause and effect are the stuff of conservative legend!

Aw, wittle baby needed to make a new account to act tough? What the Fuck are you gonna do about it?

Counterpoint: fuck you.

People said they were in cap trouble unless they got the Pelicans to agree to delay the deal or got it amended. What they’re doing is now trading 6 players and 5 drafts worth of picks to get one guy on the roster. They’ll now have 3 guys under contract, one max slot, the room exception and a bunch of minimums. The…

BAH GAWD, IT'S JIMMER FREDETTE!

Man, I don’t see how they’re going to fill out the roster- oh my god is that Kobe’s music???

He just got name recognition and a ton of press dismantling an empty suit.  He needs to live it up before the inevitable "The Humiliating Downfall of Julian Castro" article on Splinter burns him to death.

Or according to Fox News:

Sorry fellas, gotta go, I have an Alexander Pope lecture to give at Queens Community College.

Wow, I thought this was one of those classic Deadspin comments where you write a meandering, turgid paragraph and then land the punchline, but you actually meant everything you wrote. Fuck man, kudos.

Nah.

Anyone who's studied rocketry knows that you can't achieve liftoff without a violent chemical reaction.

Jesus Barry, you buried the lede, but man, congrats on having the worst opinion in Funbag history. Its a long list of bad opinions, you shot right to the top.

Imagine Andy Reid strutting around the sidelines looking like this:

I suspect the “thief” was just a member of the building cleaning staff who unknowingly moved the chair to a different room.

But the important thing here is that since Drew is gone, I can state for the record that the official stance of the Funbag is now that mayonnaise is awesome and delicious and one of our finest condiments and makes just about everything better. Mayo forever.