I was born and raised in Chicago (Lincoln Square). My dad worked right in the heart of downtown, and on Fridays, after school, I rode the L to visit him and eat some pizza.

Based on current trends, let me go ahead and fill in the rest of the cast:

A crispy-crusted baguette. 

I remember the first time I had cheese curds. Not fried or breaded, just curds in a bag. I was 7 or 8. Was headed from Chicago to Devil’s Lake in Wisconsin. We passed a little shop and my mom was like “Ooh, let’s get cheese curds. They squeak when you eat them!” And indeed, they did squeak when I ate them.

The defense: 

Pozole is so obviously the winner of this debate, it’s hardly fair. This is like asking “would you rather be slapped in the face by your least favorite relative, or snuggle with a litter of golden retriever puppies?”

BG2 and Fallout NV. I don’t want to know how many hours I’ve sunk into them. 

I only drink tea. Did you know that tea is Nature’s water? Most scientists now agree that before water formed on earth, there was just tea everywhere. 

One of these days, these “all your base” memes I’ve been stockpiling are really gonna take off.

Eat. My. Bowls.

 Picky-eaters don’t deserve human food. They deserve kibble. 

*nods sagely*

Welp, I’m gonna try this right the fuck now. 

They should call the next xbox “The Nintendo Console” and just see what happens.

If america got its fucking act together and started selling good (or even mediocre) chicken and pork katsu sandos at convenience stores, chick filet would eat a dick in a month. 

Actually, that’s a demented lemur. 

Maybe you demolished them by yourself and then blacked out?

First of all, literally no human in the world qualifies for these:

I work with a couple people in the field who regularly eat at applebee’s and they fuckin drag me along more often than not. It is disgusting dirt food for disgusting dirt people. I’m not coming at this from a classist angle — I’m not rich. I’m happy to eat the cheapest, greasiest street food you can find. But jesus…

“Wisconsin Risotto” sounds like one of those creative food euphemisms like “sweetbreads” or “prairie oysters”.