I wouldn’t even drink water out of a cup. That’s how much I hate cups. 

Well. This does not bode well for my Pier 1-adjacent store: Plunderin’ Marco’s Ill-gotten Oriental Delights

Oo, ooh, I know this one. The punchline is “a twelve-inch pianist!” I think..

Also, the historical, traditional way of drinking sake is out of a cup from a vending machine at 0100.

I love (almost) all gazpachos. I think about gazpacho all year long until the tomatoes turn good. But god fucking help you if you try to serve me gazpacho made with canned tomatoes. I will throw that gazpacho in the dirt and burn the house down. 

I think a better way for user-review sites to function is: when the user hits submit on their review, everything they’ve written is deleted, their computer crashes, and a meteor obliterates their house.

That’s a damn good idea. Those things really kick when they’re tuned to horse. 

And before selective breeding, ancient, natural hot dogs were only 3 cm in length and grew only 5 or 6 per tree. Hard to imagine when you see the sheer prolific tumescence of a modern hot dog grove.

Maybe the glappers should swap over from Hrempt to Quopie, instead. Since we’re all just using nonsense words and nothing matters.

I assume OkayPlayer is a misguided spinoff of OkCupid?

Is it true that KFC is renaming itself “Gravy Antebellum”?

Yeah but Zhalo Supercell Riskrunner Trinity Ghoul.

ARGH they put the fucking stagger mod on arms. You smarmy jonks know that anti-barrier is the only good mod, but nOoooOOooo. Lucent is cool tho.

My dog often helps out by eating any sticks of butter left on the counter. Also, whenever I leave the house, he cleans up any chips, crackers, bread, various hors d’oeuvres left lying around. He’s a good boy.

Moving from left to right, these are the stages of addiction :(

Sliced up hot dogs are my meat of choice when I make Japanese style curry. I’m not sure how it started, but that’s how I do. 

A miserable pile of secrets.

Any confirmation yet on what the “P” and “S” in PS5 stand for?

“We realize our name is dumb and offensive. So from here on out, we will be known as ‘Mister Antebellum’. Alright then, I think we covered our bases.”

I presume this translates to: Savory Turtleneck?