You oughta see the hairdos in my Senior Class yearbook (1964).

I sincerely believe that anything she chooses to “remember” in said memoir will be a lie. She’s an idiot.

Every picture I’ve ever seen of him makes him look like he needs to poop.

Mrs. Bieber is looking at me just like my mother used to when my short shorts were way too short.

That vintage Chanel is goddamn beautiful.

I’ll arrest her myself if she’s ever within 500 miles of J. Cole.

And as I like to remind folks: Muhammad Ali’s death was mentioned in dirt bag also. Stay classy, Jez.

Poor little sandoval looking like some F-list Trejo.

Billy Crudup did a much better job in Almost Famous.

These days, a real FM story sounds like a waste of time, the chiffonheads notwithstanding.

Welcome to Jezebel.

See: South Park International Privacy Tour.

LOL!

OK, Simpson, what does peeing have to do with BTS (narrowing my eyes)?

Yeah, tell that to BTS.

I’m still waiting on the beautiful fits.

The world-weariness of the Jez staff is so embarrassing. Live yourselves some life, contributors!  Then you might be able to make some sense.

Well, then, for god’s sake, drink more wine! That’s what all us single mothers do to take our minds off of ... just... life.

Sort of like Peyton Manning and a gaggle of kids?