Geez, it would take hours for her to single-out all of the vowels (if doing it without a script). Seems like poor allocation of time for a bride, but she’d probably hire someone to do it. ;-p

I had a really good friend way back in the day who, very surprisingly, once tried his favorite move on me—going in for a hug, which was fine with me, but then at the last second quickly moving both hands from close around my waist (again, fine with me) to just below my shoulder blades, then exerting pressure, so that…

Yup. To Mr . Tipton,”putting something away” means putting it on top of his dresser. Then if I hit him with a, “Hey! I meant away!” it goes in the laundry basket. I know this is wrong, but what the fuck are they thinking??”

I love everything about this comment.  Thank you!

“I remember when my ex and I were still dating and living together. I worked a regular day job 8-5 and he worked weekends. He literally did SHIT all day, I mean nothing except get up at noon or later and fuck around until I got home then cook dinner (nothing fancy but he would cook dinner as long as I told him what to…

Gah! Along with that, I get a blank stare when I try to explain why it’s important to me to have a clean house. It’s not important to him so it’s not an issue. To him. And yeah, Mama ain’t happy.

On a motherfuckin’ boat!  (Somebody had to do it.)

God, she is insufferable.

Nah.  Never mind.

Nah. To paraphrase Mitch Hedberg, he doesn’t want to eat that fish, he just wants to make it late for something.

But the best part by far: He’s wearing white socks! The only way this could possibly be better is if the socks were black. Missed a chance at The Big Time, Ed!

“Back in the day,” sex usually came before any kind of time/good-manners commitment, at least in the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s. Young’uns don’t believe me, but it’s true. As long as cleanliness and good hygiene became apparent, along with assurances that the male half of the duo didn’t pledge SAE in college, it was “Sure,…

I’d like to think that I’d have nothing to do with all this foolishness back when I was young, but I can’t be absolutely sure. My still-not-100%-formed brain was thinking some pretty weird shit in my early 20s. My behavior was, at times, not all that admirable either. But I’d like to believe that I’d aggressively stay…

Ruth Etting was from my hometown in Nebraska. My uncle remembers seeing The Gimp frequenting Platz’s Drug Emporium.  This will make sense to you and me, I think.

I’m older than dirt and this is absolutely mesmerizing.

Gone are the days of screenplays by Terry Southern and Christopher Isherwood, that’s for sure.

The most glorious Mother’s Day present for me would be one where I wouldn’t have those people smashed in my face every damn day of the world.

My mother reported that, after three days, “they let me dangle my feet off the bed.”  This was 1945.

I’m beginning to think that the only people who can do “camp” are those who lived through it. Aside from the obvious choice of a pup tent, I think I’d have gone with anything reminiscent of “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.”

Well, at least JES didn’t refer to it as a “wheelbarrel.” A definite plus for Jez.