“Transavia to tower...we have a passenger farting into a microphone to the song, ‘Volare!’ “

My wife buys Nature’s Variety Instinct cat food. $3-$4 per can. This is the same person who put 89 cent sardines in my Christmas stocking. Seriously, considering how much this 16 year-old cat wasted by only eating half of the cheaper stuff, the Instinct stuff isn’t really much more expensive. Our cat loves it all,…

Iams ... Iwas.

...and sketchy gas stations have watery, coffee-colored liquid for people who don’t like Starbucks.

I shard this on facebook.

Crude oil-saturated baby ducks who have two possibilities: death or immersion in a powerful detergent. Nobody would otherwise deliberately dunk a dinky duck in Dawn detergent.

Regarding boiling water and old plumbing: be careful. A sudden release of a gunky clog may very well create a logjam further down the drain pipe, especially in buried old cast iron that may be half rotted and filled with sand. I know, I did it. I dumped 2 gallons of boiling water into a 60 year-old 2" galvanized pipe…

Well, when you’re in your 50s or 60s or beyond, you’re going to notice that detergents with powerful surfactants will turn your skin to bleeding flakes.

Decades ago, I had a 1970 Ski-Doo TNT 399 that had a seat modified to nestle 18 cans of beer in foam rubber, with a little room left over for tools needed to keep a snowmobile going. Most of our riding was in temps under 20°F. I can absolutely affirm that cheap beer near or just under the freezing point tastes much…

Well, we have a lot of 3 ton SUVs that provide compensation for small penises or buns of cellulite and allow these people to escape their self-imposed life sentence of meaninglessness by tailgating others in smaller vehicles, so we are your parallel ‘sucks’ universe.

We have teeming schools of trial lawyers who will bankrupt negligent drivers, making them wish they were merely fined a few thousand dollars and forced to deal with Satan’s disciples, the impound yard Neanderthals.

We think of allowing dangerous vehicles on public roads as natural selection with a moderate risk of collateral damage.

FYI, uninitiated internet discussion readers, anyone who casually mentions that 25% is a typical gratuity is 100% likely a waiter or waitress.

On the level of that offense, yes. We can’t pick and choose which laws to obey.

Pretty sure Baby Boomers’ parents stopped the bulk of their procreation production in the mid 70s. Baby boomers were having kids by the mid-late 60s. Some WWII vets who were under 20ish at discharge were still young enough to get in on making some Millenials. There is no hard cutoff for Boomers and Millennials.

Driving under the influence of a double eagle beats a DUI. Good for you.

It’s like access to medical care or legal help. Doesn’t matter if you’re a saint or an alcoholic wifebeater...highest bidder wins.

Those superfluous punctuation elipses are murder on my 300 baud phone handset modem connection.